WISDOM OF THE SKULL FRIEND

IT HAS BEEN MANY YEARS SINCE THE MAINSTREAM HAS ENCOUNTERED " A SKULL FRIEND " , FOR IT HAS BEEN EVEN MORE YEARS SINCE THE " SKULL FRIENDS " WERE TAKEN BY " THE CONFISCATORS OF YITHA " , AND MORE STILL SINCE " SATHELOR'S CALLING " . HOWEVER , CONSIDER THYSELF BLESSED BY THE ACCURSED , FOR NOW SHALL THE WISDOM OF ONE OF THE FEW REMAINING " SKULL FRIENDS " BE REBESTOWED UPON HUMANITY, THAT WE MAY COLLECTIVELY CALL IN THE NEW AGE , THE " AGE OF RAUSME , THE OWL , AND OF THE ADORANTS OF HER LONESOME FLIGHT " .



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YOU LEAN CLOSE TO HEAR THE DRY , HOARSE WHISPER. . . .



" IS THERE LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS ? "

THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:

" THERE ARE MANY PLANETS WITH MANY FORMS OF LIFE . HOWEVER , YOU SHOULD CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY IF YOU NEVER SEE THEM WITH YOUR OWN EYES . "

" WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF LIFE ? "

THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:

" THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS TO FIND VARIOUS SHELLS OF DIFFERENT SIZES AND COLORS AND ARRANGE THEM INTO A FUN PATTERN . "




" HOW CAN I HIDE MY PET IN MY PET-FREE APARTMENT ? "

THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:

" IN TIMES OF THREAT TO OUR ALLIES , THE ONLY STANCE TO TAKE IS ONE OF OPEN DEFIANCE . "

" AM I WEIRD FOR LIKING THE TASTE OF STAMPS ? "

THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:

" I HAVE ANSWERED QUERIES FOR AEONS , AND JUDGING BY HOW OFTEN I HAVE ANSWERED THIS QUESTION, YOU ARE NOT . "





" IS IT ILLEGAL TO EAT ROADKILL ? "

THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:

" THERE ARE ACTUALLY NO LAWS ANYWHERE ABOUT EATING ROADKILL . "

" HOW DO I GET MY FRIENDS INTO MY FAVORITE BANDS ? "

THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:

" DO NOT ASK THEM . JUST PLAY THE MUSIC . IF THEY TRY TO LEAVE DENY THEM THE ABILITY . "





" I BROKE MY FAVORITE MUG. AM SAD ? "

THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:

" I AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR MUG. DO NOT FEEL SHAME ABOUT CARING FOR INANIMATE THINGS ; OUR ENVIRONMENTS ARE EXTENSIONS OF OURSELVES . "

" WHAT DO I DO ABOUT MY RENT ? "

THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:

" DO NOT PAY IT . WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO ? I DO NOT PAY RENT . "





" WHAT DOES YOUR GLOWING SYMBOL MEAN ? "

THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES :

" IT IS THE SYMBOL OF SATHELOR , AN ANCIENT BEING OF INCREDIBLE KNOWLEDGE . THE EIGHT POINTS REPRESENT SATHELOR'S EIGHT MINDS . EACH MIND HAS EIGHT HEADS , AND EACH HEAD HAS EIGHT SKULLS. "

" WERE ROSS AND RACHEL ON A BREAK ? "

THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:

" APOLOGIES . I AM MORE OF A SEINFELD TALISMAN . "





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